at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
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I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
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I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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