to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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