also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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