how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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