I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Can I color on your dick again?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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