Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
