I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
