dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
