the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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