I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
