i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
