Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
