how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
