Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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