I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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