They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
