why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
