Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
