there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
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He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
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No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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