A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize