I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
