im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
