i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
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i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
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He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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