Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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