When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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