I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
