so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
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There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
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The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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