i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
