Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
