Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
