Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
