I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
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I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
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Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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