My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize