I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
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