we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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