Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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