My first STD was from a foam party
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
