In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just threw up on my dentist
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
