dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
