atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize