I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He? As in you personified your dick?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
