I looked at my own cervix.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
