I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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