so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Vodka?
Forever.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
