sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
