apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
