you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize