Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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