I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
