whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
