I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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