dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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