it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
