dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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