dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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