and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
