Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
