You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
