i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
