Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Who died my cat blue again?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
