On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
