He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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