Too much gin, very little bucket
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
