I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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