You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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