So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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