Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
